It was the 10th Christmas without our dearly beloved daughter Lora Beth (who was killed 5/22/99).  While we have 3 other dogs & 1 cat (Lora's), it was when we rescued DeeDee three years ago that I finally started smiling again.  She came off the track in 2004, but her first "adoptive" home abused & neglected her.  A year later, the rescue agency had reclaimed her and needed a permanent home for her.  She came to visit us with her foster mom (we have a large fenced back yard, and she needed some room for her running legs).  I knelt down on the grass and called her to me -- she came barreling at me full-speed, knocked me over, planted one foot on each side of my face, and washed my face with her kisses.  Looking up from the ground, I told her foster mom, "Just leave her.... she's home."

In May of 2008 she had an episode called "Old Dog Destibular Syndrome"... as a result I insisted on running a full blood work on her, when it was discovered she had kidney damage.  Our then-vet told me to take her home and basically wait for her to die.

I was outraged.  I found another vet (who happens to be my next door neighbor) who is a regular DVM and also trained in holistic animal medicine.  We put her on probiotics, an herbal tonic for kidney weakness, immediately took her off all dry food (which stresses damaged kidneys), and additionally began cooking for her.  She bounced back to what appeared to be her "old self"... her kooky, clownish self, with a personality that filled the room. 

Then Christmas eve, when we got home from a night out, for the first time ever, she vomited all of her food.  I was concerned, but not overly.  I figured if she still felt ill in the morning, I'd call the vet. 

But it was not to be.  At around 3:30 in the morning, I heard her panting very heavily, turning in circles on the dogbed next to my own, trying to get comfortable.  I put the fan on for her, which helped for a few minutes... then she began moaning.  I bolted out of bed, turned on the lights, and could see she was in serious distress.  She had trouble getting to her feet, walked out to the living room and collapsed.  I ran to her, cradled her head in my arms, and begged her to stay with me.  Our vet wasn't answering her emergency phone, so I sent my husband running to her house.  Dee kept trying to get up, fighting.  So to keep her calm, I began singing her "her" songs.  With that, she began letting go.

Less than a minute before our vet got to us, she died in my arms.

I "know" she's "only a dog"... but she was so so so much more to me.  For the last three years, she was my sanity.  My joy.  My laughter.  I've been battling serious health issues for 2 years, finally culminating in major surgery in October, and it just dawned on me today--she stayed until I was healthy again. 

The shattered pieces of my already-broken heart lay in dust now.  I hope and pray she knows how grateful I was for her in my life.  All I want now is to see her & hold her again in my dreams.

~*~
Forever Missing Lora... and DeeDee
lorabeth.com

staffordmom

America is a large friendly dog in a very small room.  Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee (1889-1975)

The only boy in my life is my dog. ♥

Oliver...a cairn terrier / shih tzu cross